Five Steps to Creating Boundaries with Others for Your Young Child

Parenting young children is a challenge. With vulnerability and not possessing the communication skills to express what is happening and how they feel and what they may need, can be a frustrating time for both children and parents. How then do we teach boundaries with people to our children and others involved in the child’s life. Children are constantly constructing their own identities both in relation to others outside the family and to those in the child’s life very early on.

How can we exclude  some while including others based on our own affinities as parents or  do children create those boundaries with time? Initially, the parents are responsible to make decisions for their young children. From health decisions, to education to choosing who is around the child on a consistent basis.

THE FIVE STEPS TO CREATING BOUNDARIES WITH OTHERS FOR YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN

1)      Create boundaries to relationships outside the immediate family (just because they are cousins and both their mothers are sisters or neighbors the same age, they don’t have to be best friends)

2)      Understand who and why someone  is around your child on a repetitive/ consistent  basis

 

3)      Paying attention to how the child behaves, responds and interactions in front of certain people (do they act out, seems afraid, etc)

  

4)       Listen to what the child says about people in their life at random moments. Children are reminded of experiences out of the blue and might share something of concern. Listen to them.

5)      Let the child talk about who is important to them and why. Ask guiding questions, for an example: What games do you like to play with…

Its important to let children know and understand that if someone is affecting them in a negative way, they have control over it. By constantly checking in with a child about the people in their life, parents will get a better idea of how the child feels about them and in turn how they are affected. In all, we all desire to keep our children safe and provide a healthy and secure environment with those that love them and will help them grow in a positive way.

Why Do Many Pregnant Woman and New Mothers Want to Leave Their Husbands?

We all know and understand pregnant women have hormones, however how do the hormones and state of mind during pregnancy affect their personal relationship with their spouse? This article is geared towards a wanted pregnancy from a couple who has been actively trying to conceive a child. An unplanned pregnancy may have different emotional and financial stress than a couple who has planned for such a journey. We can all plan, but at the end of the day, our plans can only serve as guidelines to how we would like events and circumstances to turn out. Emotions, Hormones, finances and lifestyle choices, take a greater impact on the plans we make for our current and future life and in turn can make pregnant woman more susceptible for wanting to leave their spouses.

From a scientific view, the moment a child is conceived in the womb, pregnant women experience a sudden increase in estrogen and progesterone as well as changes and the functionality of other hormones within a very short amount of time. These changes can greatly affect the mood and physical activity of the body. A pregnant woman may be seen laughing and excited about the pregnancy/child and she may also be seen weeping and upset about the same situation in the same time frame. The emotions are vast and overwhelming for the pregnant woman. If the husband shows any negative emotions, fears and thoughts about the baby, this will greatly affect the pregnant wife as she will begin to question his commitment, his loyalty and his affirmation that he still loves her unconditonally and will also love the child.

 

 Husbands should provide daily affirmations and embrace the excitement and positives of having a child even if you are scared out of your mind! Pregnant women jump to conclusions about their relationships very quickly and many times feel that they are alone in this pregnancy as the husband does not feel the symptoms of the pregnancy and may not  want to talk about it as much as the pregnant wife may like. Pregnant women know they are pregnant every moment and think about what needs to be done for the child’s arrival  (nesting) as well as what they want to accomplish beforehand. Their husbands may just look towards the due date and not much else. This mindset makes the pregnant woman question the commitment and support of the husband. They may feel they are not as committed to making a life together as a family and may  start thinking about a life potentially without the husband, for just mommy and baby. Now is the time to be more understanding on both sides.

 

Finances. Because pregnant woman tend to start earlier than their husbands in preparing for the birth and arrival of their child, "spending” for the baby may become an issue. This trying financial time for a couple, can include: buying a bigger home, reorganizing and refurnishing a home to accommodate baby and potential in laws who will be sleeping over, buying stuff for the baby, etc. Not only are pregnant woman dealing with a rush of hormones and pregnancy brain but also the endless ‘to-do’ list for when the baby comes.

 

 This will greatly affect the financial relationship of the couple if they do not have similar spending habits and mentality on what needs to be accomplished for the child and prioritize. If the husband shows resistance to the pregnant wife’s spending ‘on the baby’, she will once again question his commitment, loyalty and his love for her and child. In the mind of the pregnant woman, she needs to prepare sooner rather than later as she knows much care is needed for the baby once it arrives and would rather get the basics done before she is too heavy and pregnant to enjoy shopping for the baby and to enjoy the excitement together as husband and wife as they shop, buy and prepare for the baby. If she feels she has to ‘nag’ and beg and constantly ask to get this and that without the husband initiating it, she will become very upset and feel he doesn’t love her or baby and will question if he will be able to support them how she would like. She may feel that she can do it on her own and question why she even needs him and his support.

 

For the husband, prioritizing and being open about finances is very important for your pregnant wife and to constantly reassure her she is loved as is the baby and you will do your best to get what she would like and communicate with her about what it is she feels important for the child and show interest and excitement. At the end of the day, it is not a crib she wants, it is the husband’s unconditional love and understanding.

Lastly, it is lifestyle choices that can greatly affect a pregnant woman’s desire to want to leave her husband. If the couple was active and travelling and social before the pregnancy and now after, due to her energy level or general pregnancy uneasiness, the wife can not do the aforementioned activities with her husband, it can either bond the couple together even more as they choose to spend more time together at home or it can create a division and resent in the relationship. For an example, if the husband continues to be social and attend social events without his wife or travel or hang out more with his friends because the wife is “too pregnant’ to do anything like they used to do, can greatly affect the pregnant woman’s emotions and deeply question his commitment, desirability for the child and family together and start to question what type of father he will be, etc.

Husband and the pregnant wife shouldn’t have to spend every free moment together, however the husband needs to be sensitive and not leave her alone while he is being social. This extends to after the baby is born as well. Family unity is created when you spend time together, not apart. Busy work and school schedules already take us away from quality family time. Husbands have to spend time with their heavily pregnant wives and enjoy this time as it is very short and full of life.

questions?
dearnadia2016@gmail.com

Why Do Many Pregnant Woman and New Mothers Want to Leave Their Husbands?

We all know and understand pregnant women have hormones, however how do the hormones and state of mind during pregnancy affect their personal relationship with their spouse? This article is geared towards a wanted pregnancy from a couple who has been actively trying to conceive a child. An unplanned pregnancy may have different emotional and financial stress than a couple who has planned for such a journey. We can all plan, but at the end of the day, our plans can only serve as guidelines to how we would like events and circumstances to turn out. Emotions, Hormones, finances and lifestyle choices, take a greater impact on the plans we make for our current and future life and in turn can make pregnant woman more susceptible for wanting to leave their spouses.

From a scientific view, the moment a child is conceived in the womb, pregnant women experience a sudden increase in estrogen and progesterone as well as changes and the functionality of other hormones within a very short amount of time. These changes can greatly affect the mood and physical activity of the body. A pregnant woman may be seen laughing and excited about the pregnancy/child and she may also be seen weeping and upset about the same situation in the same time frame. The emotions are vast and overwhelming for the pregnant woman. If the husband shows any negative emotions, fears and thoughts about the baby, this will greatly affect the pregnant wife as she will begin to question his commitment, his loyalty and his affirmation that he still loves her unconditonally and will also love the child.

 

 Husbands should provide daily affirmations and embrace the excitement and positives of having a child even if you are scared out of your mind! Pregnant women jump to conclusions about their relationships very quickly and many times feel that they are alone in this pregnancy as the husband does not feel the symptoms of the pregnancy and may not  want to talk about it as much as the pregnant wife may like. Pregnant women know they are pregnant every moment and think about what needs to be done for the child’s arrival  (nesting) as well as what they want to accomplish beforehand. Their husbands may just look towards the due date and not much else. This mindset makes the pregnant woman question the commitment and support of the husband. They may feel they are not as committed to making a life together as a family and may  start thinking about a life potentially without the husband, for just mommy and baby. Now is the time to be more understanding on both sides.

 

Finances. Because pregnant woman tend to start earlier than their husbands in preparing for the birth and arrival of their child, "spending” for the baby may become an issue. This trying financial time for a couple, can include: buying a bigger home, reorganizing and refurnishing a home to accommodate baby and potential in laws who will be sleeping over, buying stuff for the baby, etc. Not only are pregnant woman dealing with a rush of hormones and pregnancy brain but also the endless ‘to-do’ list for when the baby comes.

 

 This will greatly affect the financial relationship of the couple if they do not have similar spending habits and mentality on what needs to be accomplished for the child and prioritize. If the husband shows resistance to the pregnant wife’s spending ‘on the baby’, she will once again question his commitment, loyalty and his love for her and child. In the mind of the pregnant woman, she needs to prepare sooner rather than later as she knows much care is needed for the baby once it arrives and would rather get the basics done before she is too heavy and pregnant to enjoy shopping for the baby and to enjoy the excitement together as husband and wife as they shop, buy and prepare for the baby. If she feels she has to ‘nag’ and beg and constantly ask to get this and that without the husband initiating it, she will become very upset and feel he doesn’t love her or baby and will question if he will be able to support them how she would like. She may feel that she can do it on her own and question why she even needs him and his support.

 

For the husband, prioritizing and being open about finances is very important for your pregnant wife and to constantly reassure her she is loved as is the baby and you will do your best to get what she would like and communicate with her about what it is she feels important for the child and show interest and excitement. At the end of the day, it is not a crib she wants, it is the husband’s unconditional love and understanding.

Lastly, it is lifestyle choices that can greatly affect a pregnant woman’s desire to want to leave her husband. If the couple was active and travelling and social before the pregnancy and now after, due to her energy level or general pregnancy uneasiness, the wife can not do the aforementioned activities with her husband, it can either bond the couple together even more as they choose to spend more time together at home or it can create a division and resent in the relationship. For an example, if the husband continues to be social and attend social events without his wife or travel or hang out more with his friends because the wife is “too pregnant’ to do anything like they used to do, can greatly affect the pregnant woman’s emotions and deeply question his commitment, desirability for the child and family together and start to question what type of father he will be, etc.

Husband and the pregnant wife shouldn’t have to spend every free moment together, however the husband needs to be sensitive and not leave her alone while he is being social. This extends to after the baby is born as well. Family unity is created when you spend time together, not apart. Busy work and school schedules already take us away from quality family time. Husbands have to spend time with their heavily pregnant wives and enjoy this time as it is very short and full of life.

questions?
dearnadia2016@gmail.com

The Sacrifices of The Paid Working Mother VS The UnPaid Working Mother

All mothers work. The type of work and the payback is not the same. Motherhood truly questions ones priorities in life, and the choices available to them. This article is mainly based on mothers who are the sole caregivers to their young children from choosing that option verses mothers who have other caregivers for their children based on choosing to pursue a paid position instead. This can be a family member, nanny or childcare facility that is the main caretaker. It is fair to acknowledge that different types of mothers and circumstances and situations exist. It is safe to say that most all mothers do sacrifice something for their newfound responsibility: Children. This article aims to point out the sacrifices of such mothers and does not hold one type of mother better than the other as all situations are different and based on varying priorities and circumstances.

Headlines were recently made when Chelsea Clinton missed her daughter’s Charlotte’s  first day of preschool. A milestone most parents look forward to and truly want to experience. A bittersweet moment of realizing the child is truly growing to be an independent member of society and a big turning page for development and experiences for both child and parents. Chelsea missed this important milestone due to her job and campaigning out of state for her mother Hilary Clinton who is running for the democratic presidential position of the United States.

This is the main and most important sacrifice that paid working mothers experience; time with their children and family and being present for momentous experiences especially during the early years and development of their child. This sacrifice has its disadvantages as the relationship between mother and child can be affected negatively with time and the distance more severe. Children do remember and know who is there for them. Yes, they may come to understand the ‘why’ and may even appreciate their outside working mother with time, however, relationships may be strained or  feeling abandoned by the most important person in a child’s life; their mother.

Times have changed and the role of the mother has become diversified and even has become more challenging than before, as responsibilities have increased, careers are more time consuming and demanding and the financial means to lead a comfortable life, i.e home in a safe and convenient location, good schooling, keeping up with technological advancements via ipads, iphone, vacations and travel and family time.

Headlines have also been made of mothers who have chosen to be the sole caretakers of their children and family and the hardships they face on a daily basis. From criticisms of “what do you do all day” to “how will you pay your grad school loan and what good did it do you if you’re not earning money now?” to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by daily caretaking and chores and home responsibilities. How many paying jobs require to be up every two hours of the night, then be awake all day, entertaining, feeding, changing and teaching another human being (s) whilst doing laundry (did anyone mention the several steps that takes? The gathering of the dirty clothes (going from room to room, up and down stairs), the separating (the hand wash pile, dry cleaning and normal wash) and putting away. Attending doctor’s appointment,  the grocery store, the post office, the dry cleaners and only to come back and cook dinner and make sure everyone is cleaned, fed, napped, entertained, minds educated, etc.

The endless daily activities always keep a nonpaying mother on her toes. Yes, they work and they have sacrificed their careers and ignore the criticisms of being the sole care taker of their children, because they get what they look forward to everyday: Time with their children. Being there physically and emotionally to care for what they brought into the world. Creating secure and confident children and taking the responsibility of being parents seriously and wholeheartedly. Creating citizens of the world that will be productive and appreciative. This takes selflessness, as a mother’s own needs and wants are placed on hold as they take control and care of a new chapter in their life : raising a family.

 At the end of each day and at the end of each year, we look back on our lives and how we’ve spent the time and how we feel about it. Money can be produced but time can not. We can not buy more time. Time is limited. So, how will you spend your time?

Questions?
Email : Dearnadia2016@gmail.com

The Art of Letting Go: Emotional Highs and Lows for the First Day of School for your Child

Emotional Highs and Lows of Letting Go

Children learn, regardless of who teaches them. They learn the best when they feel secure, happy and confident that they were placed in an environment supported  and encouraged by their parents. Children are adaptable creatures and easily find themselves involved and immersed in their new environment: School.

For most parents, this new stage is a welcomed stage but it can and does come with legitimate anxieties and questions: Will my child be okay? What if he/she has a tantrum, will the teacher know how to calmly handle the situation? Will the kids in class treat my child with respect and include them? Will they make friends? Will they actually learn and is it worth it (preschool can be expensive!). The aforementioned worries and questions are what most parents go through, especially for a first born. By the second and third child, parents welcome the school stage and have older siblings to model after. Routines are already set and the younger ones feel excited to enter this new big boy/girl stage of going to school. For the first born, things take time, for both parents and the child. The child has to adapt at their own pace and be given the chance to slowly accustom themselves to this new change, friendships with peers and listening to other adults.

For parents, the art of letting go has its emotional highs and lows. it is important to understand and realize your particular emotions to let go without feeling fearful, guilty, sad, afraid, etc.

Emotional Highs for Parents  Include Knowing:

•  The child is in a safe, structured environment with qualified teachers who will guide them.

•  The child will be around peers and be able to make age-appropriate friends

•   Parents have free time to invest in work, hobbies, focus on a younger child/ren

•   Parents and Child are on a structured schedule with pick up and drop off times

Emotional Lows for the parents can include:

•    Worrying about the child's safety, development, treatment, learning difficulties

•    If the child expresses they don't like preschool or refuse to go

•    The child starts to display odd behavior

•   Not knowing what to do with your time away from the child, or how to deal with  issues that  arise

In order to let go successfully, parents have to understand and know what resources are available to them. They must also keep open communication with the teachers so their emotional lows can be addressed and slowly start to disappear. The art of letting go at any age for a parent is an emotional stage and it is okay to feel the emotions and to acknowledge them so the outcome can be successful for both you and the child.

Can we control Aging and Time?

When should we worry about Aging and Time?

From the moment a women is pregnant, the age questions begin and almost become an obsession. It starts with weeks when pregnant and become months once the baby is born and soon become years in a very short amount of time.  The obsession with age seems most apparent during child bearing years for women and when men become fathers. Parents compare their children to other children based on age in size and life skills, from language, intellect to self care and family life. We become obsessed with the notion of what is expected and accepted by certain age stages in life. It becomes persistent as one begins to crave normalcy and acceptance within a society or groups of communities.

The process of aging is experienced by everyone, young and old. Age and time can not be controlled. Is it the unescapable nature of aging that have encouraged our obsession with it? Chemists, dermatologists and beauty seekers have made professions by trying to create the miracle creams, using technology and nature to reverse aging, yet the body always ages within its own capability internally, even if the external body and face don’t show signs of aging. Aging in adulthood, is usually evaluated by comparing ourselves physically, socially, financially at different life stages.

Age in essence becomes an obsession with time. How much time do we have left? Is packing every hour with activities the best use of time? Is waiting around for events and experiences to happen to us the best way to spend our time? Ideally, it is the quality of the time spent that adds value and direction to our lives. Quantity of experiences just keeps us busy without a greater goal or direction.

Age helps to acknowledge the birth and death of living things and people close to us. We can choose to overlook the number but it is difficult to ignore and avoid the natural loss of physical strength that comes with aging. It seems most of us set a timeline for ourselves with important life events and moments we hope to experience based on our frame of reference, our families and those who we grew up with, to societal expectations and the media. The media has tried to unify age appropriate experiences and the expectation of what is next. It is this expectation of knowing what to expect next that gives people a safety net and meaning to their lives, whilst for others they seek a different way of life based on their unique life experiences, wants and needs.

Witnessing life makes one think of death and accepting death as a guarantee that will happen. What age should we die? What age should birth be given?  At what age should we earn money? What age is the right age? Medical experts will want to evaluate the physical self while psychologists evaluate the mental self. Yet both are affected with age. It is only up to ourselves to determine what is the right way to live our life with taking into consideration the needs of others. After all, we do live together

Ideal Marriage: Is the Ideal Spouse the same in different cultures?

In this advanced technological culture of people in marriages,  being the ideal spouse  sets a high standard for amazing communication skills and unconditional love for the partner. When it comes to reciting ideal traits, the list can be endless, however the following personal traits apply to being / having an ideal spouse. The following are three universal traits an ideal spouse would have that spans across different cultures.

1.       The ideal spouse loves their partner. This unconditional love stems from the very beginning and has grown over time and with experiences. Love has varies meanings in the context of a marriage. For instance, showing affection and using terms of endearment, even when one is frustrated or upset with each other. Letting go of anything negative (words and actions) that has occurred because of an argument or event, and really wanting the spouse to be happy and content with life’s biggest challenges and rewards. This love from the ideal spouse is always apparent and  loyalty to the partner is never compromised.

 

2.       The ideal spouse supports their partner and their life. This perspective of support is acknowledging the role of their partner and helping them get to their desirable role in life and working with them to maintain a sense of normalcy and teamwork amongst each other. If the wife has chosen to pursue a career and/or have children, the ideal husband supports that decision (s) and assists in areas of their life to make that function together. A great example, is taking the initiative in making sure their home and children (if any) are tended to and taken care of, vehicles are maintained, bills are paid, birthdays and anniversaries are remembered and family moments are celebrated.  In essence, their life together is constructed and maintained together with shared responsibility and recognizing their partner’s contribution to their life together and showing great appreciation.

 

3.       The ideal spouse takes care of their partner . With hectic schedules and endless to do lists, The ideal spouse sets aside time for their partner and their family to connect on a consistent basis.  They recognize and understand their spouses needs and tries to meet them through open communication, empathy and showing them unconditional love. There is open and honest communication between both spouses, even if it is in writing. By acknowledging their daily frustrations and challenges and also sharing the positive and humorous moments together, creates a deeper bond and understanding of the other person. We all change with time and experiences and being intune with the spouses life outside the marriage and feelings help the spouses connect and take care of each other in the most beneficial way.

 

As humans, we crave connection and communication with others, especially with those we share our daily life with and have committed a lifetime to be married to them. The ideal spouse connects with their partner and has their best interests in mind at all time and enjoys seeing them smile and be happy.